I left work early yesterday (around 3) to go to the doctor. Wait, back up. I have been searching for a general practitioner. I haven’t had one since God knows when. I can’t find one that I like. I will not elaborate on that on the grounds that you may stop liking me because it may appear as so though I am judgmental. I just can’t find one that’s normal and speaks English and has all the qualities I need to feel comfortable talking about my health to. ’nuf said!
So, now I’m sick, kind of. I feel my worst when I’m trying to sleep. What with the drainage problem inside this pretty little strawberry blonde head of mine not functioning properly, I’ve had some restless nights the last few nights. So I bit the bullet and pulled up LFD’s health care provider list yesterday on the interweb. I randomly selected a name of a doctor that sounded relatively normal and called. They didn’t have any availability at that office but did at another location. I was desperate, so I went. I didn’t care if the doctor spoke swahelie…as long as he could fill out a prescription slip for an antibiotic that’s all I cared about.
And so I went. And I was grilled by the nurse. And I filled out the new patient form. And the doctor came in. And his name was Paul Chang. And he was about 80!!! okay maybe he was only 60, but still, old and cratchity!!! And then he grilled me. Allergies?, he questioned. Nope! etc. etc. etc. And then I piped up and said, “Oh, I forgot to mention to the nurse that I’m breast feeding my daughter.” He asked how old she is. I told him “16 months”. He paused for a second, rolled his eyes, twitched, made a snide sniff noise with his shnozz, raised his eye brows in opposing formations and then looked at me over his nose and said, “You can stop that now!” And that’s when I jumped off the examining table and clawed his eyes out and rammed his stethescope down his throat until he begged for his mommy to breast feed him until he was 90!!! said, “soon!” and rolled my eyes right back at him and kicked him in the groin! Okay, no I didn’t kick him in the groin, but I wanted to! What right, what flippin right did he have to inform me of when I can or should stop breast feeding my child!!! He knows nothing about me! He knows nothing about my child! For all he could know and all the information he had gathered in the short 2 minutes we had known each other, my daughter could be surviving only on breast milk alone for whatever reason and it could be the only thing she can eat!!! (It’s not and she’s fine and well nourished and I only nurse her once a day, usually in the morning because I’m too damn lazy to go get a “baba” from the refrigerator for her first thing in the morning, and because I’m sure a trip down the stairs that early in the morning will send me tripping down the stairs!!!) After hearing my response to him, he gave off one of those fake snickerings and proceeded to examine my ears and throat and lungs.
THAT will be the LAST time I see him. Forever I will be on the hunt for an actual good general practitioner!! What’s your worst doctor encounter!!!
